I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
