My friends, they love my intelligence
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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