just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
