He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
