making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
