his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
