Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
