:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
