went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's just like the Real World with babies
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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