Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
