I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
