Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
