he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
