i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
