we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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