So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
