he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
