There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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