dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
