Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
