I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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