I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
