I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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