I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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