Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
