Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
