Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
