I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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