Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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