no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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