Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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