He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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