i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
