Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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