how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
where am i from again
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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