I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
