do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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