found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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