Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
