just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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