how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
