So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
