at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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