She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
