If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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