The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
