Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
