Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
