He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
