Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
