is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
