yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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