idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize