:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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