I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
