who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
