Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
