i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
