I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize