but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
