Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
