I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
