Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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