I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you had me at cake vodka
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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