And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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