It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
