went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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