I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
one might say we're banned from that church
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
